No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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