Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
