dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
