what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
