I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
