do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
