My nipple is on Facebook.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
