It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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