Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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