my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
