i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
