Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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