He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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