ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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