You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
