careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
