Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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