My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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