Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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