I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
