so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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