Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
