Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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