Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
