You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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