Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If I die, sorry about rent.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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