I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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