i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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