so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
