just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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