You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
