Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
