Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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