capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
