There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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