This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
