I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
