I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
