my vag is so smooth its legendary
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
this hospital has no fireball
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
