I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
