What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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