He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I love having hate sex.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize