I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
