You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
