Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
