i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
