just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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