A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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