she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
