I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
