I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize