There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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