last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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