She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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