this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
