it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
