I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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