You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I touched a dick in church today
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
