The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Even my vagina gasped.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Panties = found
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
