turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Semen is not good for contacts.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
