He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
