So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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