sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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