my mouth tastes like poor choices
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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