??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
