The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
