morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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