HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
