I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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