oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
