New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
BRING THE BAGELS
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
