Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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