If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
