You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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