Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
