oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize