Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
