"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
