kristin has been a bad kristin
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
