Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize