JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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