ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
