Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
