At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
