also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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