he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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