Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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