I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
