Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We have started to decorate penises.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
