i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
is wine microwaveable?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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