just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
