dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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