We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
