Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
