I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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