I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
