you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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