First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
