I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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