Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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