Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
