Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
