please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize